Tuesday, August 18, 2015

2012 Outwitting the Chupacabra


Back in the good old days, to protect themselves rich people built castles, while poor, imaginative, SCARED people constructed cliff dwellings like Mesa Verde.  When I first became responsible for my own housing in Santa Cruz, I was inspired by the security and romance portrayed in "Swiss Family Robinson," which inevitably led to an 85' treehouse on what is now Gray Whale Ranch State Park.  Obviously, all of my movements required an extreme level of precision, but I was assured of no unwanted guests, either insect, human, or OTHER.  The gloriously expansive views of the Monterey Bay and the absence of angry landlords weren't so bad either.    



© Joal Morris Illustration 1977
Through the miracle of his mind's eye, Joal transported himself to this vantage point out in space.   One more miracle, both of those long-haired hippies are yours truly.

In modern times, when I'm yammering on about camping in my hammock tent, some people seem perplexed by my desire to get higher up in the tree for safety.  In due course, it dawned on me that most folks don't spend much time in the woods at night, alone.  I believe that getting up into trees is primal.  Just think, when I sleep in the hammock tent, my sweet, fat caboose is hanging right OUT there, precisely AT the jaw level of an adult mountain lion!  If only I could get 10-15 feet up, I'd be out of reach of most lions and bears, and another 50-60 feet would put me above virtually all Yetis, axe-murderers, and Chupacabras!

Look at him and then tell me:  three feet off the ground, or SIXTY? 

For the last four years, I've been scouring a nearby area for a spot to re-create a version of my old treehouse.  During most of that time my plan was to purchase the Treeboat Hammock:



Unlike my current lightweight hammock, the lines are 4,000 lb. test.  Advantages:  4.6 lbs, and a mere $300. Disadvantages:  it requires at least two trees, no big deal at 3 feet off the ground, but it IS a big deal at 60-80'.

Option 2, the portaledge




Advantages:   single-point suspension, so I only need to climb ONE tree.  Disadvantages:  13 lbs., $650.

Big surprise, I economized and built my own.  I know, I know, supposedly this whole deal is about safety and security, but $650?!?   REI had a real nice cot, on sale for $55, "because I'm worth it."  Then I commenced with a lot of hack-sawing, grinding and drilling, trying to get all the parts to do a VERY different job from supporting a body a couple feet off the ground.



Unfortunately, when suspended from ropes, the twisting forces exceeded my weak "engineering," and I had to return to the drawing board.  For countless hours I pored through innumerable metal parts at the hardware store, before lurching back to the only material I know anything about:  wood.



With an old 2x4, I was able to craft two end-supports.



Then came even MORE countless hours of dim-witted staring and "thinking."  Eventually, I figured out a way to make some of the old cot-legs stabilize the middle as well.



Hey Mikey!  She LIKES it, and more importantly, it WORKS!  Yahoo!

Hampered by the omnipresence of poison oak in Coastal Central California, as well as other projects and obligations, last summer my multi-year search for the ideal tree came to an end with the discovery of an absolutely perfect ridge-line, FILLED with promising trees, any of which would have stellar views.  On Monday, an entire year later, I was finally able to capitalize on it.  

Like my old treehouse, this tree had some small, dead trees around the base, enabling me to reach the lowest sturdy branches, so I could easily climb unaided to a decent height.


Getting my huge, heavy pack, with the folded up portaledge, TOOLS, food and water up to 60 feet was a nasty chore, (not to mention the 2 hour hike/climb to the base of the tree).  But the real challenge was assembling the ersatz platform.  It was extremely difficult. Thank Zeus, I didn't drop anything.



My view looking up from my "treehouse."


As a young man of 19, I was a wee bit amazed that the original treehouse design actually WORKED.  As a "mature" man of 55, I simply cannot BELIEVE that the homebuilt fake portaledge worked.  

The facts:  I slept on a flimsy cot, suspended from a Redwood branch 60 feet above the forest floor with a spectacular view of the Monterey Bay, and survived un-harmed by any mythical creatures.  

The feelings:  fear, intense excitement, relief, exhaustion, and elation.  I frikkin' DID IT!  After literally years, I am deeply grateful to have made this crazy dream (imagined a thousand different times and ways) a reality.

love, mas

p.s. I'm not completely insane.  Even though it felt very sketchy climbing onto the cot to sleep all night, I DID tie myself separately onto the tree with two different ropes and a climbing harness, so the platform could have utterly disintegrated, and I would have suffered little more than a bruise:



Two short videos from last month's project, my swan song to Crossfit, as I transition gradually from brutal intensity, to the kinder, gentler practice of Yoga:


Deadlift with 330 lbs.

© Mark Swanson 2012 

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