It came to my attention, way back in High School composition class, that certain subjects commanded almost universal fascination. Sex and violence, of course, (oh baby, I had a FIELD-DAY with the Inquisition and the Ku Klux Klan!), and then, speed, danger and adventure. Somewhere along the line, I got the foolish idea that certain activities that I was involved in, carried a similar intrinsic interest, like aviation, cars, treehouses, beautiful mountains, and, of course SQUIRRELS!
Oh, you are so CUTE! You sweet, little, tiny CUDDLY squirrels; excitedly scampering all up and down the tree, and I'm talking, LITERALLY up and down 100 FEET, in a TRICE! REPEATEDLY! Those LUCKIES! I couldn't see them down on the forest floor, but it was hilarious HEARING them dash about down there amongst the duff and detritus.
Crystal Lakes, Sequoia National Park
Golden Hour
Scary, but I prevailed. If it looks like a knife-edge, it WAS. I was clinging to this sharp cliff for dear life.
the view left
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| When we last left our hero, in his "victory" hammock, it was tarnished by pain, fear and frustration, but THIS, the third time, was a CHARM. At many points this project was nearly abandoned, but finally, the difficulties were outweighed by a glorious, beautiful, deep pool of contentment, AHHHHH. Now, I can celebrate VICTORY, and wanted to share it with you. As I rode into the woods for these wonderful two days up the tree, I encountered my good friends Lynn and Steve, and mentioned that the tree-project originated because it was so difficult to fit backpacking (where I REALLY wanted to be, the Sierra) into my work schedule. While riding away from them, it hit like a thunderclap: "what the heck am I SAYING, our weekend trip (in the backup plane, with it's OWN maintenance issues) just cancelled, and I know, FOR SURE, that I don't have to fly for at least 6 days!" Back home, I researched and found this astounding place: |
note my tent on this side of the small Crystal lake
the larger Crystal Lake with the color
Dam!
On my first morning, the only other person at the lakes departed, so I stayed another night, and on the second day, climbed that shoulder on the left.
In 20 minutes, I rose 800' to 11,400'.
Steep and terrifying, "I'm NOT a rock-climber!" kept echoing through my brain.
Ample proof, once again why I yearn so for the mountains. Here are a few more shots:
Why I quit drinking
I was a drug and alcohol virgin entering college at UCSC in 1975, but quickly developed the skills and motivation to abuse both. In 1989, Suzanne entered my world, and I moderated my drinking, but remained strangely comfortable with the epithet "alcoholic."
Most of you don't know what it is like for an ADDICT, and I'm GLAD for you! Even though I've experienced few serious consequences from my drinking addiction over the years, it upsets me to be a slave to the compulsive behavior. On numerous occasions, I've imposed arbitrary limits, like just two-a-day, but eventually, I'd hear squeaking protests from my tiny conscience, when I inevitably couldn't toe the line. Worse still, I'd quietly sneak a drink from a bottle in the pantry, knowing that Suzanne disapproved. Argh! Mostly, I wasn't a heavy drinker, but it was always out of my control, it FELT like I couldn't even take the IDEA of stopping seriously. Then, after many embattled conversations with Zeus, I planned to stop at the beginning of 2013. But, we decided to go to Europe, and I couldn't imagine not drinking German beer and Italian wine, (a good example of the problem), so I waited. Returning home, with destiny approaching, I became scared, and (this seems so silly to me now) even SAD. In fact, it felt like I was pre-grieving for an old super-close friend, which I WAS, in reality, planning to kill off. On a little higher plane, I've once again become enthusiastic about Buddhism, including the concept that suffering is caused by desire. I realized that I've been intellectually linking my desire for alcohol to ALL desire. In order to take "letting go" of desire seriously, I believed that I needed to start by letting go of drinking.* Now that I've been off for a month, there have been a few moments here and there when it felt strange or awkward not to have a drink, but 95% of the time it has been incredibly EASY and WONDERFUL!
As some friends have pointed out, there were no delirium tremens when I stopped, so I guess it wasn't technically an "acute withdrawal," but unquestionably, I was, and am an alcoholic. I hope I can keep this preferable alcohol-free lifestyle going.
ON THE OTHER HAND, I really DID love the connoisseur element of tasting, (and preferring), particular beers and wines, (bad timing! the last couple years have brought the explosion of superb craft beer production, especially in the US). I will miss that part. Also, much of the time, the physical sensation of being intoxicated, was very pleasant, and I often enjoyed it, A LOT, (all due respect to Buddha), in what FELT like a mindful way. I will also miss that part. The whole idea of Bacchanalian, ecstatic, celebratory freedom and release, STILL strikes me as a positive thing, but, don't get me wrong, on average, drinking is unquestionably, for an addict like me, a net NEGATIVE.
Here is a short list of positives that I've noticed, since the scales fell from my eyes:
1. Significantly better sleep
2. No more DUI bogey man
3. I can take more ibuprofen, with less concern for stomach/intestine damage
4. No hangovers
5. Dinner actually TASTES better, because I'm more conscious
6. Saving mucho dinero
7. Less hiding/lying
8. The end of monkey shit on my back
9. A sense of power and control over my own life (possibly an illusion)
and one BIG disadvantage: I no longer get to pretend that I'm just like:
1. Alan Watts
2. Hemmingway
3. Hunter S. Thompson
*A brief treatise on Desire
I'm not officially a Buddhist, but I practice many of Buddha's non-"metaphysical" teachings. Buddha's first Noble Truth is that life is "suffering" or dissatisfaction. The second Truth is that dissatisfaction is caused by "desire," attachment, greed or grasping. It isn't so much the feeling of desire, per se, that causes suffering, but the inevitable CONSEQUENCES of desire that make us suffer. Here's a little quote from my favorite book, "Mindfulness in Plain English,"
You can’t ever get everything you want. It is impossible. Luckily, there is another option. You can learn to control your mind, to step outside of the endless cycle of desire and aversion. You can learn not to want what you want, to recognize desires but not be controlled by them. This does not mean that you lie down on the road and invite everybody to walk all over you. It means that you continue to live a very normal-looking life, but live from a whole new viewpoint. You do the things that a person must do, but you are free from that obsessive, compulsive drivenness of your own desires. You want something, but you don’t need to chase after it. You fear something, but you don’t need to stand there quaking in your boots.
Gunaratana, Bhante (2011-09-06). Mindfulness in Plain English: 20th Anniversary Edition (p. 13). Perseus Books Group. Kindle Edition.
And a very short quote: "Buddha's second truth, to whatever degree we desire, to that degree we suffer." And last, but not least, "is it all right to have the desire to achieve enlightenment? Yes, this is a very good desire--called "the desire to be desireless.""
I know that desire seems as inescapable as death and taxes, and admittedly most of my life I have held Buddhism at arm's length because this part struck me as inconceivable. Giving up desire just sounds (superficially) like giving up LIFE! As I see it, the goal of my meditation practice is looking with bare awareness at the way my mind functions, and interacts with the world, over and over, until eventually, I am experiencing all the pains, fears, desires and pleasures that I'm currently experiencing, but I'm detached, just WATCHING, conscious of what is happening, but not caught up by it. Perhaps, simply because I've read about it so many times now, enlightenment/liberation is starting to sound possible. As I've told you previously, I am a baby at this, but I have had a few shimmery glimpses of what it might be like.
Thank you very much for your love and support!
Love,
mas
p.s. My promise to purchase "Mindfulness in Plain English" in paperback or Kindle for anyone and everyone still stands. Say the word, and it is YOURS. Please just ask, I'm NOT KIDDING!
© Mark Swanson 2013
Your photographs strike me as impossibly crisp, sharp and beautiful...even though the stark landscape is foreboding and unpleasant to my sensibility. Lately I have desired to play the guitar. I would like to play it well but I doubt that that will ever be. However, the process of realizing my desire is fun, frustrating, exciting, daunting, satisfying....and, if nothing else, it passes my time with a feeling of "progress". I'm not sure I relate to the concept of "desire" as being anything but a positive presence in my life.
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